When Infatuation Takes the Wheel

 

RAINBOW INFATUATION
Cariño Brutal by Rainbow Gutierrez

When I wrote something about libido it was only the beginning and now, why do we get infatuated? What made a person get so infatuated with someone? How does one person differentiate this feeling from love?

These are questions are we cannot simply answer in one sitting.

When infatuation gets a hold of you, you better pray that it won’t last long because if it lasts longer than a week you could be obsessed or in lust. Best case scenario is you could just be in love and luckily your love expressed is reciprocated.

 

Infatuation is defined as the intense but short-lived passion, feeling even admiration for someone or something. From what I know, most people are infatuated for someone than something. One example is when someone gets invited by his or her friend to a party and your friend introduced you to someone you have never met before (of course) and that person is truly fond of music, sports and art like you.

After you were introduced to that person you were left tongue-tied, stunned and speechless for what the person looked like or the way the person was dressed then you ask your friend if the person is in a relationship and when your friend says that the person is not in a relationship you go wild in your head but since you have only met the person the first time you would keep a low profile and keep it cool then go crazy when you get home. In the succeeding days you would definitely look for the person on any social media outlet known to man.

I do not really believe in love-at-first-sight because our world is not a recycled soap opera or a chick lit that gets a movie adaptation every time. Giving someone the ideal look of the person they want to be in love is a form of infatuation for me and the places you see in these adaptations or even TV ads also leads someone to infatuation because of the feeling that they want to feel it too so desperately.

I’ve been infatuated more than once and luckily I did not get infatuated with someone within the four corners of our school well I really did. I got infatuated with one of my co-majors when I was still donning the old psychology uniform. I did not get infatuated with her that much because we belong in different social classes. She was also this girl who’s always after a guy to keep her sane but not really get hooked with the guys in our classes. That really sets us apart.

One person that really got me infatuated in our school was someone who was being paired with one of my friends during our freshman year but he didn’t care about it because she was not my friend’s type so instead of him getting interested, I got interested with the person.

According to my friends, I was so infatuated with the person that one time we were in my friend’s place for an overnight stay to finish our experiment and paper for biology, I was screaming her name out loud that I woke up everyone in their household.

I did not held on to my feelings because she was not studying within the realm of my previous major and she’s very outgoing while I’m this introvert still conscious about my grades. What kept me hooked was that she had fair skin and I thought she was that tall but she was only wearing heels.

Like libido or any terminal disease in my previous posts, it does not choose its victims and it takes place simultaneously.

Infatuation could take place even at a entrance exam of a big university because I remember getting infatuated in this university after picking up this person’s folder which for many would consider as sparks if they did get to see it but if they were not so busy thinking of the exam everyone would go crazy about it.

Luckily I didn’t get to pass the entrance exam because if I did, I would definitely go crazy to look for the person. Lucky for me the infatuation only lasted an hour after I took the entrance exam.

Another important reason on why I’m happy that I did not pass that entrance exam is that I can’t swim the big waters there when it rains hard and I do not have the proper boots to conquer those waters even if my house is just a couple of blocks away from that school.

Another is someone feeling inspired because they are seated to someone who could really turn everyone’s head making everyone motivated to pass that entrance exam is infatuation. Even if you did not take those review classes for those entrance exams you would really feel smart because you are driven by someone. You could not wait to pass the exam, have yourself enrolled and wear their uniform so you can look the person in that university.

The worst occasion to be infatuated I must say is prom night. Prom night for me is that one event in a school year where you suddenly get noticed because on a ordinary school day you’re girl or boy who looks like Jon Heder in Napoleon Dynamite or Rachael Leigh Cook in She’s All That. Of course if you’re a girl you’re not yet Rachael Leigh Cook who got the makeover before Freddie Prinze, Jr. came to your house to pick you up.

Getting infatuated on prom night gives you the feels and when you get back to reality, you would be lucky if you don’t go crazy after prom night towards the person and you guys just met on prom night.

Neither of you guys asked each other out.

Another occasion that you should not get infatuated are culminating events when you’re in college because I remember dressing up like the great Dolphy since we were required to wear white and it was the only get up I know to look good with a rented white coat and white pants just from my psychology uniforms. The infatuation part came when someone asked me for a photo op. I didn’t get to see the photo circulate online but she sure was looking good with that blue gown. I didn’t push through with my feelings because for one thing I don’t really know how I’m going to approach her since she is a year ahead of our batch.

The worst part of infatuation is ASSUMING THAT LOVE but the person is not really into you.

Just imagine a guy who thinks too much of himself and he sees himself as a heartthrob after three semesters of college. What’s even worse is that this person is studying a program in which he is surrounded by douche bags and girls full of themselves before he shifted to a program that does not have so much practical exams.

I really feel sorry for this guy because he thought he can court then date two girls at the same time and he is blinded by the infatuation that he feels.

So much pity on this person a couple of months back because he is so infatuated that he conspired with some of our friends and one professor so he could throw this surprise party and look romantic before her classmates. It was so pathetic that he wasted money for the cake, the pizza and flowers that day just to make her feel special when he could have just treat our gang a huge pizza. Too bad for him because the girl that he likes prefers a guy that looks bad-ass like Jason Statham or Ed Skrein, the actor who played Ajax/Francis in Deadpool.

DON’T GET ME STARTED ON WHAT HE DID ON VALENTINE’S DAY AND THEY WILL SAY THAT I’M THIS DELUSIONAL S-O-B WITH MY HEAD UP HIGH.

 

Infatuation is not always bad because some of the people that I know still get infatuated and they do not go head over feet or head over heels towards someone.

Some people even call it happy crush in which you get to like someone and you are just happy that the person completes your day. You’re just more than happy to see the person even if you are not really expressing the feelings that you really have because you are content with just seeing her and also be part of their company.

In getting infatuated, a good place to get infatuated for me are book stores or books shops because you would only glance at the person buying a book trying to look hipster and be done with it because after buying a book you won’t see the person after that. Then you read the book that you just bought for yourself.

I’m truly amazed with the people who can be infatuated but do not fall for the person because they are so occupied with a lot of things regardless whether it is school or work keeping them occupied. I wish I could be more occupied so I can keep myself away infatuation.

 

As for good-looking clerks it’s only in movies that you get to see a clerk looking like Meg Ryan before the Botox and be in love after exchanging of emails and chatting under your user names or looking each other up on Facebook and it rarely happens. Not to mention Hugh Grant in Notting Hill.

As for buying books, you should not be buying one of those books teaching you how to hook up because those kinds of books just keeps you fixated in getting that girl or boy that you know is light years away and making you look so desperate to other people. But if you’re just buying it to at least step up your game then it’s fine. Just make sure you have a condom with you if you’re about to get it on. The worst are those books saying why are you still that single and hopeless romantic person among your friends which does not really help making someone feel so bad about themselves and I wish I could name some of those authors but man I can’t because I follow them on Twitter and they also provide a little inspiration with my writing.

 

Getting infatuated is easy because your unconscious makes it easy for you to get infatuated. Getting yourself out of that feeling is hard because you are trying your best to get rid of the person in your head. It’s harder when you get to see each other every day in school or work because urges can really make someone crazy. I’m saying getting out because letting go are for those people who really got themselves in a relationship.

In getting out, there are things that you must be sure about. First is burning that bridge. You must be sure that you will no longer text each other, tag them in any social media outlet and even stalk each other because you are burning that bridge. As for blocking the person, it’s optional. You can block the person but make sure you do it in the dead of night. More important is lessen the hours spent on social media because it’s not in social media that you can really find someone new.

Second is make yourself busy at something, find a hobby or join a fun run or triathlon sponsored by some energy drink or any product out there. Who knows you could find a marathon buddy or someone to keep you running after that.

If you’re in college and you’re studying a professional course, bombard yourself with a lot of reading not only the ones your professor provided.

Third is don’t watch or read love stories when you’re infatuated because watching romantic comedies and reading chick literature for girls are like taking drugs of a very high dose then you drink the strongest whiskey in your father’s mini bar at home.

It’s basically killing yourself if you ask me.

This is just when you’re infatuated. Single people who are not easily infatuated can still read chick lit or watch romantic comedies or just plain romantic movies and leave their feelings in the cinema or at home then play the next downloaded movie or DVD.

 

Now how do we differentiate infatuation from love?

ALL I CAN SAY IS RECIPROCATION SETS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INFATUATION AND LOVE.

Everything should be two-way. Don’t give so much of your time, money and effort if a person does not return the favor because in the end, you will only end up feeling sorry for yourself like they say.

When you’re being reciprocated basically it’s the late night conversations whether you’re texting or chatting, the gifts, and the teasing that you get from friends. More important is mutual understanding and the attraction that comes along with it.

Just imagine a person who may not be the cutest or the hottest person in the room and the person attracted to that someone is a real head-turner. The attraction and the understanding are there for these people, the one thing that makes it love between them more than infatuation is the feelings expressed which like I said are reciprocated in any form. It may not be love to others but to me it is love.

 

Don’t over think. You just met the person. Keep yourself busy, enjoy life and don’t rush yourself in getting into a relationship. As Elvis once said in a song, only fools rush in but if you can’t help falling in love to someone then let her know gently of what you truly feel.

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My 23 Random Thoughts In My 23 Years of Existence

  1. If you’re a psychology major, abnormal psychology could make you interested or crazy. Moreover it is a depressing major with a lot of depressing examples.
  2. Forgiveness is one key to inner peace.
  3. If you get a crush on someone instantly, it’s all infatuation and if Spandau Ballet’s song ‘True’ is the soundtrack in your head or in the establishment you are in the moment you saw that person for the first time in slow motion, it is still infatuation. The soundtrack in the establishment may just be purely coincidentally.
  4. Rizal Avenue (Avenida to some people) will always give you the feeling that you are in an indie film or a Lino Brocka film.12196104_1196647203683829_6837782426873673094_n
  5.  In college, don’t trust a person from the higher batch about what they say that a certain professor guarantees you a passing grade even if you don’t do shit because you belong in a morning class at 8:30AM and you are surrounded by happy-go-lucky blockmates.
  6. Philippine entertainment lives and dies by love teams.
  7. The movie ‘The Exorcist’ is not as scary as it seems.The-Exorcist-1973-movie-poster
  8. Going all white and almost looking like Dolphy or John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever to a culminating event is good.
  9. Don’t suppress your talent. Join your school’s theater guild, glee club or dance troupe.
  10. Sometimes the owner is more of an animal than the pet itself.
  11. If your school’s library is breezy and relaxing, sleep on it.
  12. Break only two promises to yourself for you to have a little freedom. If you break more than three then you are lost with life.
  13. Don’t go to a café that has a Bohemian theme for it plays songs that will hit you like a stray bullet especially on a Friday night.
  14. Shaving your hair is a way of releasing your stress.fmj3
  15. Don’t try too hard to grow a beard if a relative like your grandfather or uncle tried so hard to grow one because genetically your family is not blessed to grow beards.
  16. Don’t just rely on your friend that is a movie buff to get movies. Save enough money to watch the movie itself. Just go to him so you could get a download or copy of movies that didn’t seem to be approved by the MTRCB.
  17. Bear with your friend. You’re not the only one struggling at something. As long as they are near and dear to you, bear with them.
  18. Don’t force yourself at something you know you are not really capable of doing.
  19. Collecting NBA cards is still cool thing. Collecting baseball cards is way cooler so give me one

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  20. If you plan to travel and stay for vacation this summer, Baguio is not the only place breezy enough for you to cool down this summer. There’s always Tagaytay if you’re too lazy to drive or too scared to travel north.
  21. Girls who are full of themselves do not just prey and talk shit about their fellow girls these past few years. They also prey and talk shit on guys too if they look too ugly, skinnier than them and sound too smart for them.
  22. I thought I was high when I saw Pepe Smith but when I approached him, I proved to myself that I was not high because of secondhand marijuana when I went to this rock event in Makati.
  23. I rekindle my liking for baseball by becoming a San Francisco Giants fan because I got tired of watching basketball all year round from the NBA, US NCAA, NCAA in the Philippines, the UAAP and the PBA.

Happy Valentine’s Day to You

DSC_0146To that one person who broke my heart,

Happy Valentine’s Day to you.

I did not dwell on the pain you have caused

but you surely taught me that there is more

to life than love and you taught me to

present myself in a much better way.

 

 

For that one person who got away,

Happy Valentine’s Day to you.

I’m sorry that I was too blind and focused

with a different person.

I’m sorry that I fail to notice feelings.

I hope that you will understand with this writing

 

 

For the one who were conceived then born

on November, happy Valentine’s Day to you.

It’s either you were planned or not.

 

 

For the ones who celebrate their birthday

on this day, happy Valentine’s day to you.

For you people are truly loved not only by your

better half in marriage or your life long partner

but also your family and friends.

 

 

For the ones who do not feel the love

for being single, happy Valentine’s day to you.

There will come a time that you will feel that love too.

 

 

For the ones we have lost,

happy Valentine’s day.

 For you will always be in our hearts.

 

 

For the one person who keeps me up at night,

for the one person who makes me crazy in love,

for the one person that I dream to be with,

happy Valentine’s day to you.

I know that she’s out there and I know that

we will see each other soon.

Not Sure If In Love or Just Truly Inspired

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It’s February AGAIN but it’s not yet February fourteen.

For all I know it’s that time again for motels, restaurants and flower shops in Dangwa or any flower shop out there to raise their prices and also put up promos for the first one hundred couples to come in and have a free order of some meal or anything in the menu. It’s also time for satirists to make another post about the bitterness of not having a date, Senator Juan Ponce Enrile’s Birthday and the tragic Valentine’s Day Massacre of 1929 masterminded by Al Capone

As for me, I’ll be visiting my grandmother at Holy Cross Memorial Park on Valentine’s day and for this moment, I will be posting this poem that I wrote in Tagalog for one of my classes in Letran alongside with its English translation. I just thank God and my professor that it’s free verse because I suck at the traditional.


LUBOS NA PAGHANGA

Hindi lamang nabighani

Dahil sa iyong ganda

Nabighani din ako sa

Husay mo sa pag arte.

 

Walang katulad mo

Dito sa aming lugar.

Sana lamang ay mapunta

Ka rito kahit minsan

man lang.

 

Hindi problema ang pagdayo ko

Patungo sa inyong lugar.

Ang problema ko lamang

Ay ang ibang humahanga.

 

Hindi man ako gwapo

Tulad ng mga katambal mo.

Nais ko lamang umibig

Tulad ng mga karakter nila

Sa iyo.


TOTAL ADMIRATION

I am not only fascinated

by your charm.

I was also fascinated by your

brilliant acting.

 

There’s none like you

in a place like this.

I only wish that you

could come over here

once in a while.

 

I do not mind traveling

there in your place of work.

My problem is that the others

who also admire you as I do.

 

I may not be as good looking

as your partners in there.

My only wish is to love you,

the way their characters do

towards you.

 

I might post more poems as long as I keep myself inspired.

 

The Joys and Struggles of Having a Dog

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As the old saying goes ‘Dogs are man’s best friend’. Having a dog is both joyful and stressful from the feeding, the medication, the discipline and everything that comes along the way.

I’ve been a dog owner for almost five years and in the five years that I’ve had my dog Hendrix with me it’s been a roller-coaster ride. I got Hendrix from my uncle as a gift back in 2011. He let me choose among the puppies around the house but before I took him home, I had my sights set first to his brother Hammer but I didn’t have bond so I took Hendrix.

At first, his name was Hotdog until my father asked me it to change it. So I did change my dog’s name. It was hard thinking of a new name for my dog so that he truly belongs with me. On the day that I was thinking of renaming my dog, I wanted to change his name from Hotdog to Harry but the name is too common. I thought of renaming him Harrison but I couldn’t because it was too long for a dog’s name until I settled with the name Hendrix. I do not remember how my dad approved to the name Hendrix but I was more than happy to know that he liked his new name.

During his adjustment period from Hotdog to Hendrix, it took us weeks for him to adapt his new name. On the day that he finally adapted his new name, when I called him Hendrix I was really happy that he finally adapted.

As a puppy, he was so small that some people coming to our house mistook him as a toy. He was really playful and very noisy because of his high-pitched bark. When my grandmother was still here Hendrix will always get her attention and would always sleep next to her. Carrying him as a puppy were the best moments between me and Hendrix.

From puppy to adulthood of one dog, the challenge is always discipline towards the dog from the proper place on where he will pee and where he will leave his poop. The struggling part was when Hendrix always pees on the bed in his puppy days. The hardest part was when he learned to climb the stairs to our room then he would leave his mess here in our room. Whenever we walk, the struggling part is when he pees simultaneously. I only learned that they don’t pee the way we do is because they would mark one spot symbolizing that ‘THIS IS MY SPOT’.

When I didn’t have proper knowledge on why is he biting my aunt’s children at will it’s because he is “heating”. When my uncle’s wife, aunt Tonette told me that they bite because they need a mate I was puzzled because knowing our community, the houses in my area rarely has dachshunds for a pet dog. It’s been always hard to find a mate in a neighborhood where most houses has big breeds from Labradors, Mongrels, Askals, Rottweiler, bulldogs, and Pit bull. Then for the small breed of dogs the common breeds are Pomeranian, Shih Tzu, Terriers, Chihuahuas and Maltese. Having a mix breed depends upon the owner of the other dog if they would like to have a mix breed. Because sometimes two good-looking dogs may look fine but when the female gives birth and they owner or breeder may not find it pleasing, it is a struggle for both parties and selling them would take time and even the paper work to certify their breed.

When it comes to discipline, I only wish I could have really gave that effort to discipline Hendrix so that I wouldn’t be ashamed of his reputation as biter. Hendrix is my first dog and if I were to have another dog I would make up for it. I am not ashamed of having him as my dog but the nosy neighbors sometimes makes me feel bad for having him as my dog but I don’t let that get a hold of me because like a delinquent or problem child he is my responsibility and as his owner I would swallow that like a bitter pill. Because I can’t stand the one neighbor here who always stares me down like I did something wrong with him like pulling a prank on him. Keeps on telling that my dog bites well of course he bites as if I my folks don’t tell me what happens and sometimes I really think of pulling a prank on him but I am not playing his game.

Every dog should be treated like family and like what I always see on TV with Cesar Millan on the National Geographic Channel, I always apply what he does on TV from walking the dog the right way and disciplinary methods. In the times that I watched and apply his methods, it wasn’t overnight but I do envy him that every dog yields before him when he goes to someone’s house to check the dog and take the dogs to his center.

I always hated people who just wanted to have a dog then treat them just as guard dogs leaving them in a cage if they live a big home or have them tied on their leash then bark and bite at will to anyone who comes at their home. If you can’t pick up your dog’s poo on your, you can’t have them at all if you ask me.

Walking the dog is also a chick magnet if you ask me. Why? Because if you have a cute looking dog, girls may not be after the handler but your dog sure is gaining fans. More important is that walking your dog is also introducing you to different people, dog owners and non owners alike.

When I was still struggling to find him a mate and suppressing his doggy libido I would always have long walks with Hendrix from our home to the sidewalks of UST just for that. In those times that I walked with him around UST, I’m more than happy to know that we get noticed since I’m one of the few roaming around and that the female students are sometimes eager and afraid of him. The times that he ‘growled’ at the growling tigers well the students, he only expressed stress from the long walks and also he has been always possessive of his handlers that when I present him to the ones who want to touch him he would really growl.

The hardest part of course is bringing your dog to the veterinarian for something serious. The last time I brought Hendrix to the vet for something serious was when he kept throwing up and when the blood test results came in, he had this contamination and I was scared to death of losing him that early. It’s hard to see them like that and since then I’ve been very conscious especially when it comes to his health and diet. In his health and diet, I always limit him to dog food and rarely feed him table food because whenever I give table food Hendrix’s skin would go bad and he would have this shedding.

With my dog’s birthday on February, I still can’t believe that he would be five years old then on April he would be five years living with us. If my dog was human, he would be thirty five years old.

With a dog having only lifespan of 10 to 12 years, sometimes I would wish that they would always be with us. It’s truly a blessing if a dog would live to fifteen years old. So for all dog owners, keep our dogs safe and their bowls filled with food and water always. Most important is that, dogs are friends not food.